Falling fast. Did someone push you? Did you jump? Did you fall from something? The ground is quickly coming towards you as inevadable death is painfully obvious.
But just as your body fluids are about to give the pavement a free paint job you suddenly open your eyes and find yourself panting and sweating in your bed. Sounds familiar? Everyone seem to be having dreams of falling and then suddenly waking up just before you hit the ground at some point. Death in a nightmare seems in general pretty non-existant from what I've heard people I know say. However common this may be it is not always the case. Personally I have yet to wake up before hitting the ground, before the axe separates my head from my shoulders, before the bullet enters my forehead...

I don't wake up when I'm about to die in a dream.
"So what happens then, you just... die?" - People ask me when I tell them. It depends. Sometimes I seem to have god mode turned on, but that doesn't mean I can't feel pain, and let me tell you, being beheaded does NOT feel nice, and I wouldn't say being shot up is any better. I once had a dream in which I was standing in the middle of a desert and there was this machinegun turret there for some reason. The only thing I could do to avoid being shot at that point was to hide behind a rock until I either woke up or I started to dream of something else. I don't remember how it all ended, but I remember being bored out of my mind behind that rock for a reaaaaally long time. But at least it was better than the alternative.

So, are there moments when I don't have god mode on? Yes there are. At those moments I just die. But is that better than lying headless on the ground with a rocksplitting pain in the neck? Hard to tell. Whenever I die in a dream I am sucked to "the other side". It feels as if I'm being sucked through a black hole or something. Then I arrive in a big room or something filled with nothingness. Wherever I look there are black and white dots all over the place, just like a TV-screen not recieving a signal. There's a sound here, a deafening buzz that just won't go away. I can't shut it out because I have no hands to block my ears with. I probably don't have ears either for that matter since my soul has left my body (If there now is such a thing), so just how I'm able to hear is up to discussion, but hey, it's a dream, everything is possible. Finally, I can't breathe while stuck here. I feel the urge to take a deep breath and constantly try to, but it's as if there was something blocking my lungs (which I probably don't have anyway).

All this lasts for some time until I am sucked back into the real world and life starts anew. Sometimes I'm reborn as another human, sometimes as an animal and sometimes as myself. But I'm always reborn as a partially grown creature as if my soul just replaced someone else's. Then it usually doesn't take to long until I die again and the cycle is repeated.

I seldom have these kinds of dreams nowadays luckily. But I came to think of it today and just felt like sharing it. Take care, and sweet dreams!

Well, personally I'd much rather have school for another month of so. I really am enjoying myself during school hours nowadays. To think there actually was a time when you really hated school, absurd! Having some time off isn't all bad though, especially since a lot of friends and people return from their hidings in Umeå and such to return to Stockholm.

In either case, had this meme tag thingy in her last journal, and it looked like fun so I'll use it as an excuse to get rid of this last journal I've had up for some time now.

Let's begin!

--

INSTRUCTIONS:
-Paste this into your journal and tell who tagged you.
-Fill this out as honestly as possible.
-Tag 3-5 other deviants.

Tagged by: Myself I guess.

--

#1. Why did you decide to fill this out? Were you bored?

- Fun! Memes or tags or whatever they're called are always fun to do due to some unexplainable reason.


#2. How many people on here do you actually know in reality? Post their avatars.

Attends the same school as I, but studies animation instead of Level Design.
Fellow classmate and Level Designer.
Same as Anla. Has a really good taste in music.
An old buddy of mine. We're currently writing a couple of Death Metal songs that will hopefully see the light one day.
Another old buddy of mine. We hang out pretty much all the time.
The brother of another of one of my friends. He's got a bunch of crazy and cool people hanging around him.
We attended the same school in high school and studied Japanese together. I don't meet him that much nowadays except during the occasional reunion dinners we attend every now and then.


#3. What do you typically post on deviantArt?

- Whatever I make and consider art really, including drawings, sketches, short stories, lyrics, photos etc...


#4. Tell everyone your favourite song, and why it's your favourite.

- I gave this quite a thought yesterday. Although I have a ton of songs I just love my favorites are the following (In no particular order):

- Welcome Home (Sanitarium) - Metallica. Awesome song! Slow melodic and soothing from the beginning. It slowly takes a heavy turn, but not nearly as heavy as their heavy songs.

- Death in Fire - Amon Amarth. I fell in love with this song the first time I heard it. It has everything I love about Amon Amarth. It's heavy, really heavy, chaotic, dark and evil sounding. Just when you wonder if the entire song is going to be the same it takes a sudden melodic turn without losing any speed or calming down. Johan Hegg really pull of some great vocals in this entire album.

- Colony - In Flames. No matter how many times I listen to it, I never get tired of it. The slow and calm sampled sound in the beginning really helps build up the mood before the fast paced drums that just suck you in. Easily In Flames's best song yet!

- Medicine Man - Pantera. Dark, ambient and heavy with haunting lyrics and vocals topped with some awesome guitars. RIP Dimebag!

- Alison Hell - Annihilator. This song represents everything that was good about the 80s thrash scene. Starting off with some calm melodic guitar playing and then shifting to a really heavy and slow sound you just don't hear in modern thrash bands. Randy Rampage also does a great job pulling off the vocals.

- Souls of Black - Testament. Usually I listen to the guitar or the lyrics when I listen to a song, but not in this case. Souls of Black is the only song I really like which I listen to the bass all the time. The guitars also are great and overlap beautifully in the beginning, but I believe the bass really is the golden nugget in this song. This song is slow and heavy but really soothing at the same time.

- To Rid the Disease - Opeth. It's funny that my favorite song with Opeth is one of their non metal ones. This song carries a bittersweet, dark yet beautiful atmosphere. Fall asleep on the train on the way to work with this playing in your iPod and I can ensure you you'll be having some pretty awesome thoughts! During the piano part in the middle I always imagine a girl walking down a ghastly lit up staircase surrounded by everlasting darkness. She's following a lit orb, hovering just out of her reach, leading her down, deeper and deeper...

- Thirtyfour - Cult of Luna. Another bittersweet piece. Slow, really slow with some heavy yet very calming guitars at the beginning, taking a really heavy and brutal approach later on and then another calm, really soothing part, my favorite... Atmospheric, dark and haunting. I always listen to this song at some point when drawing something.


#5. Tell us your favourite colour. Is it dark like your personality?

Purple. Dark, mysterious, yet beautiful and colorful at the same time. It is THE most beautiful color ever. 'nuff said.


#6. How many pageviews do you have right now? What's your goal?

Eh? 4507. I don't really care about my pageviews and hardly have a personal goal involving them.


#7. Everyone's considered leaving DA once or twice. Have you? Why?

Everyone? Really?


#8. What deviant do you admire? Is it because of their art, or their personality?

Due to his awesome drawing style and hilarious characters. [link] is probably my favorite work he's released and should explain everything.


#9. Tell us about a noob you've helped out.

Weeeell... I kinda helped and some other classmates with unrealED a few weeks back (and still try to) as I've had the most experience with the tool in my class.


#10. What does your username have to do with you? Is it a combination of your favorite things, or a character of yours?

My name is Christian Berg, but people usually just call me Berg. Some years ago someone asked me if Berg was spelled with a G or in some other way, like with two J's or something like that. Somehow it stuck, and people have been calling me "Berg with two J's" ever since. Short, simple and easy to remember. Can't say I don't like it.


#11. Tell us your favourite animal and why.

Sheesh, eh... Dunno. A cat or a dog maybe?


#12. Some people say that they can remember people better if they associate them with an animal or make up a rhyme. Make one for yourself.

"Berjj! WHEEEEEEE!!" (With a really whiny voice). All my old mates usually yell that when I step into a room.


#13. I can speak bits and pieces of different languages. What about you? What are they?

Since I was born in Sweden, I naturally speak Swedish, but also fairly good english. I studied Japanese in high school and frensh a few years before then, but I've kinda forgotten most of either language.


#14. How do you feel about your art? Is it where you want it to be, or are you improving?

Is anyone ever satisfied? There's always room for improvement. I used to think I was good, but that was just 'cause everyone around me sucked (no offense to those people ). Nowadays I know I'm not good at all, but I think it's fun, and in the end isn't that the whole point? Of-course I'd love to get better, but as long as I'm having fun I'm happy with it.


#15. Do you use copics, prismacolours, or any other type of marker?

I almost always draw using a tablet nowadays.


#16. Wow! Your avatar is adorable! Where'd you get it? And what exactly is it?

Really now... that's a poor joke. >.>

Wow. A crapload of stuff has happened since last update, some being pretty friggin' awesome if I may say!

First things first: School. It's eating me up whole! Fun as hell, but exhausting nevertheless! I nearly left the AFF mod team today. I've been wrestling the thought for over a week now and finally decided to go on the IRC channel and let the guys know what was on my mind. The others seemed shocked almost, definitly saddened. However, a lot of them have been taking rather long breaks every now and then, but unlike me they've stayed on IRC most of the time and stayed in the loop. "If you need some time off, then take som time off and come back when you're ready" - I totally didn't expect this response, and it made me really happy. I'll take a break and see if I can re-ignite the fire. Nothing new really I guess, but I just feel like I've averted a big crisis.

Despite all this I'm on my way to release a new map after all these years. I made it during two weeks for a school assignment and then took two or three days extra to finnish it up. Right now I just need to solve a texture bug (TC_Clamp isn't behaving properly on the skybox texture) and add bot pathing and I'm all set.

Also, I was surprised to find myself standing face to face with Hourences ([link]) in the classroom last Thursday. Appearantly he now lives in Sweden since a year back and is working for Starbreeze studios. He held a lesson about a bunch of stuff involving UnrealED 4 and also displayed some of his own works and went through the creation process which I found very enlightening. I hope he'll be back again sometime.

In other news, I bought a friend's old guitar the week before last and have been practicing every now and then. As for the song(s) me and another mate are working on (Waiting in Line, Giant Burning Zombie) are progressing slow but steady, we'll try to keep this project alive and well.

I guess that's all for now.

I quit my job about 3 weeks ago, but I've barely been drawing since then. Unemployed and unproductive? Not quite...

No more than 24 hours after my last day at work I was contacted by who invited me to the AFF UT3 mod team ([link]). Since then I've been working on various futuristic maps as well as been playing with a huge stock of custom content created by other team members.

I can't believe how lucky I am to run into all these strange yet extremely fortunate events. Almost 4 years ago I joined the UCMP mapping team ([link]) and learned a ton of cool stuff. Little did I know then that it would be the first event to set further actions in motion.

I went back to school tuesday last week and boy am I excited about it all! The class consists of a ton of very different and interesting people. One of the guys is a mapper for the Black Mesa Source mod for HL2. I'm feeling confident and comfortable about the situation and am anxious to see what the future holds.

The whole point of the journal is kinda to say that I'm still around, but I'm quite busy and don't know when I'll be able to upload something again.

This is the last week for me as an employed PC techie. I've handed in my resignation a few weeks ago, soon there'll be some spare time to do stuff, and I do have a lot of things in mind. At this very moment I can't decide whether I should draw something or work on my UT3 map, so I'm writing a journal instead.

There are a crazy amount of ideas spinning around in my head and I want to play around with them all, but I don't have the time! I'll be unemployed for two weeks before school starts and I'm looking forward to some spare time for mapping, drawing and possibly something else.

I've been reading this webcomic for a while: [link]

I find it very inspiring as the art style is VERY simple (you may even call it messy and rushed) yet the artist progresses and grow more skillful along with the comic. This is nothing new, it applied to all webcomics, but something about this made me feel very comfortable about myself. I might throw myself into such a project (or not, depending on whether I can keep the fire fueled) as I've always wanted to do some kind of comic. I think my greatest problem in drawing is that I spend too much time finetuning petty and unimportant details far too long and eventually lose interest. Maybe I should try out a more sketchy and unrefined style? I did some sketches earlier today and felt pleased with the results.

I guess that's it for now, I've made up my mind. I gotta draw something before bedtime.