(Did I spell the title right? - Pocasti - Procasti - Propfflllaaa!! Bah!)

I always found it comfortable that whenever I recieve a comment on a forum or community I don't have to answer that very moment. Sometimes I just don't have the energy and sometimes I can think of some witty response 'till later if I'm unsure what to say. The problem with this is that sometimes I wait too long and even forget to reply or post a comment. Most notably on facebook, UP and here on dA.
I have comments among my messages rangang back to July which I've simply just forgotten to reply to because I thought I'd do it at a later time.

Every now and then I like to spend and hour or so and go through the "popular" section here ond dA and browse through the most popular images the last 24 hours. Whenever I find something that looks interesting I open it up in a new tab (that goes for youtube videos and other sites as well) and continue browsing. By the time I'm done I filter out those I feel like commenting on and those I feel like adding to my favorites, then close all other tabs. By the time I'm done however, there might be quite a few deviations to comment on, and since I think a simple "nice, dude!" is a rather dull comment, I usually spend a lot of time writing a comment once I've decided to do so. But because I have so many tabs open I end up having a vast number of deviations to comment and fave, so I end up leaving those tabs open to comment for another day, and because faving without leaving a comment beforehand is such a HUGE crime here on dA I usually never add anything to my favorites before commenting... which I'll leave 'till later...

Basically, the number of open tabs increases until I accidentally close firefox without saving my tabs or until UnrealED starts complaining that it wants more free memory. Currently firefox is eating up 500 MB of my RAM, and that is after I closed a bunch of tabs. In the end I usually just decide "fuck it!" and add all interesting deviations to my favorites without commenting and then close all the others.

Where was I going with all this anyway?

In other news, there are now 2 weeks left of my internship and I graduate. I will officially be unemployed then. Yay! I could use some holiday. Too bad christmas sucks.

Stay well people.

This Saturday was spent at a friend's place drinking whiskey, eating home made brownies, playing rock band 2 and talking about general crap. I got home quite late and decided it to get up around 2 in the afternoon the following day. Appearantly my subconsciousness wanted something else as I must've murdered my alarm in my sleep that night. Why else would I wake up at 18:45 on a Sunday? I slept 2 hours the following night, but I kinda regret sleeping at all since it only made me more tired.

It's now 18:08 and I don't know how the hell I'm gonna stay awake 'till dinner. (At least this gives me a stupid reason to update my journal hardly anyone ever reads anyway.)

Somebody fucking kill me already.

The week following my last journal kinda sucked. I wasn't satisfied with the effort I put down at work or for my own hobby projects. I've bettered myself since. My self confidence has been dropping lately though, but I think it's 'cause I expect a bit too much of myself most of the time.

I also realized that I've begun shutting myself away from people. About two weeks ago I was planning on calling a friend of mine so we could hang out. I never made the call, and when another friend of mine gave me a call and asked if I wanted to come over and play Starcraft multiplayer I declined, saying I had promised another friend of mine to hang out that night.

This has to change. My friends have always meant much to me and I can't stand distancing myself from them like this. In general, I could use to get out a bit more. I'm isolated way too much these days. I guess I could partially blame my current internship for that.

When thinking about my future I've come to realize that maybe I'm actually ready to move away from Sweden soon. There is a certain goal I've set up before myself I'd like to achieve before I leave however, but I've been thinking about rewriting it a little and if I just get things moving I should be ready by the time my internship ends.

I guess it's time to shape up and grab destiny by the balls!

There's been a growing disturbance within the level design group at Beyond Ascension (Former Burning Man Studios) which this week resulted in one of the level designers leaving. Since then the rest of us have picked up the pace now that this disturbance has been dealt with. I'm not very good at dealing with confrontations and I really don't like it, yet it was my task to do it in this situation. It just goes to show that sometimes you've gotta go through some unwanted stuff to solve certain problems. The working atmosphere and general effectiveness has improved a lot since this was dealt with anyways and I'm happy with the outcome, although I'm pretty sure a certain someone isn't sharing that feeling with me...

There are two other things that occured to me recently.
One: A lot of people I know seem to move away from home. Some of them move pretty far and I I'm unable to see them for a long time, which is a shame, but a part of growing up I guess. I've also come to realize that I'm in need of moving out myself as my own plans and needs may conflict with those of my parents. Earlier today my father came down to me and asked in an annoyed tone if I wasn't done with my work so I could help make dinner. >.>
This won't happen until I know who'll hire me once my internship is over. I might have to move away from Sweden altogether. Something I'd rather not do for the next two years or so. I still feel like I have things here to do, although I'd love to live in the states at some point.

Two: My father likes telling stories of his youth. From what he's told, a lot of really close friends to him have suffered death throughout the years, most of them at around 20. No-one I've known have died so far, but some of my friends haven't been so lucky. A childhood friend of mine had her ex and one of her best friends killed in a car accident earlier this summer. Another had a friend who took an overdose of something and didn't survive. A third had his father pass away due to cancer...
I can't help but wonder, when will this happen to me? Will I someday pick up the phone, call my best friend to ask him if he'd like to go see a movie only to have his sobbing mother pick up the phone instead? Maybe that mother will be mine, telling my friends of my unfortunate demise?

Life goes on I guess. And childhood slowly fades behind me.

Oh, also, I started writing some song lyrics a few days back. They're about taking control of your life and reaching out for your dreams. I might upload them later.

I went and saw Inglorious Basterds with two friends tonight. I was more looking forward to seeing my friends than the movie though as I'm not quite fond of Tarantino. I would even say all his movies after Pulp Fiction kinda sucked. Inglorious Basterds? Fucking awesome! There's more talk than action. Way more. But the conversations actually feel like they have meaning rather than the usual bullshit the characters spit at each other in any other film by Tarantino. Some parts were a bit dull and boring though, I can imagine this being the kind of movie you'll talk about for a long time, but when you rewatch it, you constantly skip ahead to the sweet parts. It would probably have turned out terrible if it weren't for some incredible actor performances.
Me and a friend even managed to guess how the whole thing would end, and boy what a finale it was! I COMMAND YOU TO GO WATCH IT!!

In other news, I had a terribly realistic dream last Friday, at least I believe it was a dream.
I was drifting in and out of sleep early Friday morning when suddenly someone spoke to me. I don't remember the words, but it ended with “Christian”, so it was definitely for my ears. I didn't recognize the man's voice, so I rolled over to face the entrance. My vision was all blurred as I'd been sleeping, but I could make out a man's face peeking inside, and it was definitely not someone I knew. He seemed alarmed when I noticed him however and disappeared almost immediately. If I ever was asleep, this is the point where I woke up. I was facing the doorway in the exact same angle, and couldn't tell if I had just opened my eyes or if they had been open the whole time. I called out, but none responded. I was alone.
It kinda freaked me out, but I don't believe in ghosts, even though I want to. And if there really was a man there who peeked into my bedroom, I guess all he wanted to do was wish me a happy birthday.

Now I better shut up and go to bed. I've got a long day ahead of me and won't be getting nearly enough sleep.